injured sexuality

it is not that we are scared of pain, its only that deep down we have our own irritational fears.

Hurting and aching is not only physical, we are also wounded and impaired in other ways, but sexually is the hardest damage to mend. For starters, you are dazed and overcome by events of the injury. Deadened and frozen with disbelieve of the events of the injury, at the same time you are able to talk about it like it’s a movie you just watched, and it is the only matter to your heart. We are not wired on how to deal with sexual injury, so the best thing is to do what is best for us, being strong and getting help.

all help coming your way will not all be helpfull, it is up to you to filter all of it and make the most of it to your advantage.

acceptance of new identity

"I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in robes of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Circumstances and tragedy leave us feeling dirty and damaged. And chronic pains of our past situations are an undercurrent to our total existence. We have difficulty believing our Savior Jesus Christ can accept us, like that. We dont see ourselves as precious holy children of God dressed in robes of righteousness. However after we read and reread about who we are in Christ. The more we study about our new identity and the truth that sets us free, the more we begin to accept it as true. Then we begin to realize it is Satan who holds up the picture of our past circumstances and situations, - to remind us of who he wants us to believe we are. But that is a lie. God took the truth and massaged it into our broken hearts like a healing ointment. He placed a princess's crown of beauty on our heads and washed away the ashes. He gave me the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and dressed me in a garment of praise instead of despair.

when tragedy strikes....

facing demons is coming to terms with the wickedness and immorality in our lives. and there is no way we can evade it. as much as they strike to devastate us, to wipe us out, it is in the beauty of our hearts that we have to stand for and put up with the strain and disturbance of the life we live. it is in our elegance and the perfection of our heart, to take it all, in and live it, deal with it in the most professional manner for us to find healing and forgiveness. then there is that moment of questioning and inquiring, we lack the knowledge and understanding, why we would go thorough devastating and overwhelming paths. and a sincere heartfelt passion filled question comes out, 'Why'. When we have reached the end of the tunnel and there is no light, we get on our knees and ask God, Why? Lord, whats up? why are men coming to me with thoughts of illusion to puzzle and disturb me? but still, there is no reason for us to doubt Him, to question His LOVE. even if it is so hard to understand why. Then we loose our momentum, and sorrow makes us struggle with the temptation to doubt the love of God. And our faith is tested.....

When u love someone You feel it deep inside Nothing changes your mind You give all that you have And you don’t think twice Because it is the love of your life And your life is just one You live just once. your life is all that you have got

we become

we become anxious of the unknown, of situations we are going through, and our past. the feelings of not being in control of such circumstances makes us develop fear and doubt. then we are overcome by guilt,shame and frustration. we pray and wish for replacement our anxiety with peace and hopefulness. the road from guilt to forgiveness is long and not easy.we pray and wish to live rightly with integrity. then we feel alone and empty, even in the crowds of people. we do not know we were created to be in a relationship. for the void of emptiness to be filled with belonging and purpose. we pray and wish for fulfillment. we are then led to mistrust and search for truth and genuine people, we are afraid of trusting again, we belive we will be decieved once more and hurt more.

coulda, shoulda, woulda

there is numbness, disbelief,shock, anger, and guilt. these are some of the feelings we feel after something horrific has happened to us. the same feelings we feel when we mourn the loss of a loved one. there is also fear,dirt,shame, hopelessness, anxiety and most of all fear and distrust. there is all blame in us, 'we should have, we could have, and would have' are so countless. i should have locked my security door, i alwasy do, but that night i only hooked it in and was rushing to watch my favourite tv show, already i had missed a good 15 minutes of it. i should have had my self defence weapons next to me on the bed where i normally have them, my pocket knife, my household insectisides spray, which i had been promising myself to replace it with a spray gun and never really gotten to....... eventually a sense of confort sinks in, the more you get familiar with the neighbours, the neighbourhood and streets, the less measures of security you take, it started with my insectiside spray when i thought it would accidentally get into my eyes, then i put it on the headboard lamp side, the knife in the drawer, only had my phone ready for a speed dial for emergency numbers, under my pillow. healing takes a great while. personal and self strength and faith is enough for us to start on the highway to our own self again......

rutheless heart

the mind of a ruthless heart what they feel is not what should be what they feel is unkind to human the heart of a ruthless man what they do is not what should be this is the heart of an unfeeling man these people have no life they are bitter in their own cycle they are angry in their hearts they admire the lives of innocent souls they wish and dream to destroy it but they will never take away what we have because what we have they do not have. there is no man sane who does that to another how do they find peace in themselves how do they find peace amongst themselves. because they have no mercy they have no life. people like that do not belong in the society does God let them live? does God save them?