the river might be far from sight but the scent is nearer to thee the waters might be unseen but the splashing inflow and outflow is so close to thee the life the river bring forth birds cry birds sing green grass happy treeland the life the river brings is not only to thee

life is peaceful and cosy with you in my life and i am writing of the beauty of you i am thankful for you life is peaceful and rosy with you my dear being dear to me is being real to me life gets so clear and so real so warm and kind to me i am cheerful and warm inside the warmth is so deep inside and the comfort is most precious with you in my life i see the rainbow shining down on us embracing us in its colourful glow how it does wonders to the human mind how it brings wonders to the eyes of the children and so much joy to our eyes, in friendship shared life is being clear and friendly i am thankful for you in my life it is being extraordinary with you in my life

i worship the ground you walk on i trust and respect you i worship your decisions i believe you are perfect in your own perfect world i trust you are great in your own greatest way but you are human...you have a good heart something as hard as loosing someone like you i never felt to find out something as shocking as finding out more about you i never knew well....it doesnt matter anymore anyway the future is all that matters anymore

go green

green is so going and i go for green grinning is beautiful and i do it often green gives me a bright day grining gives me a grin back so i do it often i love green, it sparkles with life it beams with new life it makes me fresh and happy it makes my world go green it makes my world alive so i do green often

i am very soft inside. my heart is soft. i drink occasionally and i dont smoke. i am too soft inside...at least some people think so and my mother wants me to be tougher, more decisive and more mature but i do, i try to in my own way. i am a good woman, i have idolic status, i am my own star and i twinkle with beauty and flicker with hopefulness and so much love. i am a queen, my throne shines like a soft but deep rich yellow element, my golden stone. i am of a mother-status to my siblings, i am more than a sister..................and more than a mother. i am a friend. i am a teacher. i am all............................ i sacrificed my studies.....my youth and my most of my life. i gave in to so much, i gave up so much......to take care of them, after everyone left home...each one of family left and deserted the home, the life and their copies behind. i had to be there for the left behind. i had to be there for the two girls who were still in primary school, the lowest grade of education....one boy who quit school and went to the cattle posts right away, to date. so i started giving so much attention and care, which i still do. i give my free time to the unfortunate, i volunteer to orphanage centers whenever i can wherever i be at. i have grown to love kids......they bring so much life and meaning and seeing them.....makes me see peace and growth and hope in the world...........innocence......fragile and lovable thats how they are and that is what they need and that is how the world should be and that is how this world needs right now........to change. i hate pain and suffering. i love peace.....smooth runnings....sweet and warm surroundings, good environments and harmony atmosphere. i quit my boarding school and stayed home....walked three kilometers to attain my high school certificate, to and fro. only to be there for the left home souls, for the left home innocence, for the fragile lovable mine siblings. i felt to be there because i was the only one they were looking to, they were seeing, so i quit my boarding school and stayed home.......to take care and look after Retah, six years old and Thulani four, by then. i like love. i love loving......i have plenty of love to give and love to be loved, more or the same way. yet i have so much pain. and i have a knot in my heart i need you to help me untie it. i love kind surroundings in the home...cheerful atmosphere. even if it is so painful, even if it so hard living, but the little oxygen we survive by..... we should be grateful for and keep praying and hoping for more softer whispers in the afternoons and during the nights, warm hugs and embraces, lively households and rooms full of sunshine and air, more comfortable good living.

i am not sure what kind of living is up ahead of me but i trust the route is chiseled and the gravel is graded and the sand is fine. so far not bad......i encounter varieties of total opposites, varieties of total agendas and motives. why do we keep on meeting the wrong ones, are the right ones not yet born.......

good peoples of me, good peoples like me and good relations of mankind.

i am patient and tolerant, i always blame myself and i cannot blame the other. i take in the guilt and drink it like it is nourishing, i take the blame and in the end i feel so bad.......

i always listen and put first peoples feelings and thoughts and in the end i am intimidated. but i have learnt from the best. now i know i have to be very careful with relations. i know i have not to feel that too deeply because if i drink in the guilt, and the shame, and the blame......it is so hard to recover, it is soul consuming and it is total torture and it is hard to feel self love and self worth again. and to love oneself is needed to love another self..............

i tried being with a woman and to be honest it is a great feeling but i always missed that male companionship......

i tried dating sites and to be honest that is not how i want to start.....that is not how i should continue, maybe to the end........maybe.

i try to remain patient, i know God will never punish angels like me.......that i know. i know so because God has His own reasons why every situation is in a situation. and no situation lasts in a situation, no moment lasts forever, only in Heaven. that is because God has His own agenda and we operate by it by Him and by His will.

pain tores at my heart but i know my Creator always gives me strength. i am strong and always come around because you cannot keep a good woman down. i know some good rainy day i will come around, and all this pain will be washed away into the sand.

i am crying, warm tears run down my cheeks and would love to imagine you holding me until they stop. i hear your voice...............

god will take us through all this pain and hurt

and will find us places and people who are soft and tender to us

people who care and love us

people who appreciate us,

people who don't demand that we take the blame anymore...

people of the same heart....

people who are of us....grown from us and connected to us

the real healthy ones we are longing to be.....

tender hearts loving soft soul..........................it says.

i believe every whisper you say. of course God will not punish me but protect me. whether it is with a man or with a woman, i will find time, companionship and companions. but life can be like the desert, it can need a long time, much patience, endurance and strength, long walking and riding until the water source is found, the well, the nourishing and healing elements of our lives.

i snuggle up in bed ready to fall asleep...........i smile and i feel at peace.

waiting

faces and bodies in line waiting for them happy faces somber faces grins and smiles waiting for them sitting back to back all eyes to the entry and exit to see who walks and goes out happy people sad people in line waiting for them eyes on the next walk-in to see who's next walk-out because it might be whos next visitor because whos next visitor might be my next visitor and my next visitor might be your next visitor some happy people some cheerful faces eyes glued to the paper jaws at work....chewing gum some are chitchatting to the next whos visitor to the phone...... to the mind some tired people some moody people heavy luggaged backs walkin heavy tired legs walkin heavy tired eyes look on minds astray with thoughts thoughts that trouble the mind all through the day....alll through the night as we slumber in dreamland...

tonight

for the whole of this week since last Friday, i have been working for longer hours, from 8am to 8pm.....!! do you think this is sane? no breaks and lunch is on the desk right at work and lunch time thats when its busier at the office. so i feel so exhausted tonight. my friends are all excited about the weekend but am all gloomy and sleepy...and guess what, am still here...working! ts crazy. but this job that tires me so bad is the one that's keeping me off the streets....and there is too much clubbing and partying around here and the pressure from friends is unbearable...so my tiring schedule is a good excuse to keep off the dance floor....... so tonight my head is falling off my system, it is being disconnected and my eyes are so red with pain from the computer, and my head is throbbing, i cant think straight....and my brain is leaking i wish somebody would lick it. my feet hurt they need some good strong hands to work on them. and my back................!! GOD help me..........tonight am going to lie down in a hot bath with special oils and salts....wake me up if i fall asleep i might drown............. i know with the sunrise i will be a good new spirit...the sun does wonders to my soul......it soothes my spirits no matter how hard things might be........ be in the sun and enjoy the shine