my rock

I saw the sun rise
I felt goosepums stand up on my arms
My hair sticking out nd my skin shrink
I had this awesome feeling looking up
I realised he was staring at me
He gives me a reason to believe

He is my rock, I call him my stallion
He is the love of my life.
My endless love
I am thankful
I am blessed to have him
I pray God to keep us safe and alive.

God knows

 
We normally think the grass is always greener on the other side but, fact is the waterbill is way too much higher there, so whatever situation we have is never too much for us to bear because God knows we can handle it.
That is why He let it be.

God's plans for us are huge and He knows our desires. Though....sometimes I question Him, I doubt His love and His ways and promises to us. Because i feel He has forgotten about me. Like this morning it hit me that I must be doing something wrong. I suddenly had a thirst for the word of God I realised I haven't been a good child in the eyes of the Lord I haven't been reading His word. I quickly grabbed my Bible and read 1Peter 15:7
I look around and I see situations and realise how God works His ways in people's lives but mine in particular what I desperately desire, a baby. I always pray to God to make me a mother. I pray for a miracle everytime that God open my womb, my fallopian tubes and make me fertile and capture the fertile sperm. I don't want to think that God doesn't want me to have children. Hes not that cruel. I just must believe that my time is yet to come and tht God knows about me.
For I know the thoughts that I have towards you,
Thoughts of peace, not evil. To give you hope
And a future. Then you will call upon me, go
And pray to Me. And I will listen to you.
And you will seek me and find me when you
search for me with all your heart.
And I will bring you back from your captivity.
Amen
That is God's promise. He will never leave me.
He has huge plans ahead for me....so I just have to pray...seek...and find Him.
Amen.

i thank Him

I thank Him

everything was possible for me because He made it so.

in this past years, and this year.

the strenght i had, to overcome my old fears, disappointments and downfalls.

everything He provided for, i am so grateful.

i honour Him.

i would not be, looking back......

because with Him nothing is impossible, so He made it so.

i am  thankful

for my safety and this chance.

for the job which i declare to rightfully be mine.

for my precious life.

for loving people in my life

when we know...

Knowing makes us better; it makes the world a better place to be

When we know, we do better.

Knowing makes us believe, it makes us better people

When we know, we do well

Knowing makes us believers

When we know, life gets meaningful 

When we know, we believe in us, we believe in what we do

We believe in our own judgement

we love the thoughts we have

we love the life we live

we live better and we love better

because we know....

she

when she talks to you, they have their moment

when she sings out loud, they have their strength

when she laughs out loud, they have their spirit

and then they cry, they heal and feel refreshed
when they hurt and are sad, they withdraw to their
own world of silence
where they find solace in their peaceful world,
far away  from the world, far away from everyone

injured sexuality

it is not that we are scared of pain, its only that deep down we have our own irritational fears.

Hurting and aching is not only physical, we are also wounded and impaired in other ways, but sexually is the hardest damage to mend. For starters, you are dazed and overcome by events of the injury. Deadened and frozen with disbelieve of the events of the injury, at the same time you are able to talk about it like it’s a movie you just watched, and it is the only matter to your heart. We are not wired on how to deal with sexual injury, so the best thing is to do what is best for us, being strong and getting help.

all help coming your way will not all be helpfull, it is up to you to filter all of it and make the most of it to your advantage.

acceptance of new identity

"I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in robes of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. Circumstances and tragedy leave us feeling dirty and damaged. And chronic pains of our past situations are an undercurrent to our total existence. We have difficulty believing our Savior Jesus Christ can accept us, like that. We dont see ourselves as precious holy children of God dressed in robes of righteousness. However after we read and reread about who we are in Christ. The more we study about our new identity and the truth that sets us free, the more we begin to accept it as true. Then we begin to realize it is Satan who holds up the picture of our past circumstances and situations, - to remind us of who he wants us to believe we are. But that is a lie. God took the truth and massaged it into our broken hearts like a healing ointment. He placed a princess's crown of beauty on our heads and washed away the ashes. He gave me the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and dressed me in a garment of praise instead of despair.

when tragedy strikes....

facing demons is coming to terms with the wickedness and immorality in our lives. and there is no way we can evade it. as much as they strike to devastate us, to wipe us out, it is in the beauty of our hearts that we have to stand for and put up with the strain and disturbance of the life we live. it is in our elegance and the perfection of our heart, to take it all, in and live it, deal with it in the most professional manner for us to find healing and forgiveness. then there is that moment of questioning and inquiring, we lack the knowledge and understanding, why we would go thorough devastating and overwhelming paths. and a sincere heartfelt passion filled question comes out, 'Why'. When we have reached the end of the tunnel and there is no light, we get on our knees and ask God, Why? Lord, whats up? why are men coming to me with thoughts of illusion to puzzle and disturb me? but still, there is no reason for us to doubt Him, to question His LOVE. even if it is so hard to understand why. Then we loose our momentum, and sorrow makes us struggle with the temptation to doubt the love of God. And our faith is tested.....

When u love someone You feel it deep inside Nothing changes your mind You give all that you have And you don’t think twice Because it is the love of your life And your life is just one You live just once. your life is all that you have got

we become

we become anxious of the unknown, of situations we are going through, and our past. the feelings of not being in control of such circumstances makes us develop fear and doubt. then we are overcome by guilt,shame and frustration. we pray and wish for replacement our anxiety with peace and hopefulness. the road from guilt to forgiveness is long and not easy.we pray and wish to live rightly with integrity. then we feel alone and empty, even in the crowds of people. we do not know we were created to be in a relationship. for the void of emptiness to be filled with belonging and purpose. we pray and wish for fulfillment. we are then led to mistrust and search for truth and genuine people, we are afraid of trusting again, we belive we will be decieved once more and hurt more.

coulda, shoulda, woulda

there is numbness, disbelief,shock, anger, and guilt. these are some of the feelings we feel after something horrific has happened to us. the same feelings we feel when we mourn the loss of a loved one. there is also fear,dirt,shame, hopelessness, anxiety and most of all fear and distrust. there is all blame in us, 'we should have, we could have, and would have' are so countless. i should have locked my security door, i alwasy do, but that night i only hooked it in and was rushing to watch my favourite tv show, already i had missed a good 15 minutes of it. i should have had my self defence weapons next to me on the bed where i normally have them, my pocket knife, my household insectisides spray, which i had been promising myself to replace it with a spray gun and never really gotten to....... eventually a sense of confort sinks in, the more you get familiar with the neighbours, the neighbourhood and streets, the less measures of security you take, it started with my insectiside spray when i thought it would accidentally get into my eyes, then i put it on the headboard lamp side, the knife in the drawer, only had my phone ready for a speed dial for emergency numbers, under my pillow. healing takes a great while. personal and self strength and faith is enough for us to start on the highway to our own self again......

rutheless heart

the mind of a ruthless heart what they feel is not what should be what they feel is unkind to human the heart of a ruthless man what they do is not what should be this is the heart of an unfeeling man these people have no life they are bitter in their own cycle they are angry in their hearts they admire the lives of innocent souls they wish and dream to destroy it but they will never take away what we have because what we have they do not have. there is no man sane who does that to another how do they find peace in themselves how do they find peace amongst themselves. because they have no mercy they have no life. people like that do not belong in the society does God let them live? does God save them?

this heart

i look up in the sky for a refreshing sensation no longer feel around me amongst tribesmen and tribeswomen

they make some big mistakes on looking back painting brighter hopes upon living to make a wonderful life ahead because we started out as hopeful as young

this heart has seen some action nonetheless

i had a moral fiber to believe in love but in my foolishness my bravery taught me what i had to learn to hold it in my palms as fresh as waters of my happiness this heart has felt some action nonetheless

Its amazing how free I feel Then its wonderful how sweet it feel together Its not a problem anymore To show someone how much you love them But to prove how much you need them Is it easy? Its great the love I feel you feel Special and exclusive exceptional and familiar have u felt that? It never felt strange or dangerous and risky It felt right and just perfectly easy Did u feel that? For a moment I stand to think of it and there is no bit of scare and panic While at the same time I know its sin, in the eyes of the Lord Do u feel that? Now It feels like you are gone on duty It feels like you are gone out to smoke It feels like you are gone to sleep, right next to me It feels like you are gone to class Like you are coming back in a short while Like I feel, I see I love you. Do u feel that?

Lord, today it feels as though all my strength has gone. Like Job, I have no idea what to do about my situation. Thank you that I can still trust in you and know that you will grant me the power to keep going. i know that my suffering is also a door of hope for me please help me recognise your plan for me, my life in my disappointments. as you provide strength and mercy. at this moment, i feel like am sinking into deep waters please take my hand and provide me with strength and mercy. teach me the purpose and meaning of this difficult road that i am walking. i thank you for the heaven awaiting me help me to persevere in this hope.

A woman is like a flower She blossoms into a spectacular image Tell her you love her, she will glisten with gold Do mean what u say to her, she will walk tall Water the pink rose pluck out the old dry leaves Cut out the dead stems and roots It will flourish for long Cut one for the one you love, it will perfume your world Your world her world, in that circle is a glowing ball Crystal ball you both hold in your hands The precious stone that you both protect It will fall and rupture right before your eyes That is letting your flower wither That is letting your rose dry up and shrink That is like letting your dove out of its cage to fly away…..

As we sit in the snow white sand,And the waves crash upon the shore,I stare to the sky trying to understand,Why the stars seem brighter then ever before.Is it because the sky is so clear,That the stars are shining bright?Or could it be that love is near,On this perfect summer night?

We laugh, we kiss, we talk,Draw pictures in the sand.Along the ocean we walk,Just him and I, Hand in Hand.Our night is almost finished,As the moon is fading fast,Another day will be diminished,Put with the others in the past.Everything seems to melt away,Faster then the drop of a dime,As night dissolves to day,We lose more precious time.Surely soon the sun will rise,As this is Gods command,I know he can see the twinkle in my eyes,As we walk Hand in Hand.

the dream

I do know know that one word frees us of all the weight and pain of life...we love because it's the only true adventure.To love is to suffer.To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving.Therefore to love is to suffer,not to love is to suffer.To suffer is to suffer.To be happy is to love.To be happy then is to suffer.But suffering makes one unhappy.Therefore,to be unhappy one must love,or love to suffer,or suffer from too much happiness.I hope you're getting this down..lol !"For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it....the most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." And I feel whenever I have knocked,a door has opened.Wherever I have wandered,a path has appeared.I have been helped,supported,encouraged and nurtured by people of all races,creeds,colors and dreams."That dream is YOU amongst them!!

feeling afloat.

seeing patches of clouds down below and up ahead of me

hiting them right head on. seeing the clear blue sky the dark clouds underneath me.

it feels like a touch away, a blink away.

the feel of it all is awesome. but take off, touch down isnt a nice one.

you will see the world and experience how floating is.

20 jan.09

a billion people witnessed, million and millions watched and thousands and thousands listened to his rousing speech. as the world turned a new page making another history of change,building another new world, i was also born. the rest of the world now stands on his shoulder, and many people, the rest of them know about his dream his vision, and they will see it ripe, as i matured too. and the journey contines, a mountain to climb kind. the road, the long winding and twising kind to complete. a new legacy is built as change has come.