we become

we become anxious of the unknown, of situations we are going through, and our past. the feelings of not being in control of such circumstances makes us develop fear and doubt. then we are overcome by guilt,shame and frustration. we pray and wish for replacement our anxiety with peace and hopefulness. the road from guilt to forgiveness is long and not easy.we pray and wish to live rightly with integrity. then we feel alone and empty, even in the crowds of people. we do not know we were created to be in a relationship. for the void of emptiness to be filled with belonging and purpose. we pray and wish for fulfillment. we are then led to mistrust and search for truth and genuine people, we are afraid of trusting again, we belive we will be decieved once more and hurt more.

coulda, shoulda, woulda

there is numbness, disbelief,shock, anger, and guilt. these are some of the feelings we feel after something horrific has happened to us. the same feelings we feel when we mourn the loss of a loved one. there is also fear,dirt,shame, hopelessness, anxiety and most of all fear and distrust. there is all blame in us, 'we should have, we could have, and would have' are so countless. i should have locked my security door, i alwasy do, but that night i only hooked it in and was rushing to watch my favourite tv show, already i had missed a good 15 minutes of it. i should have had my self defence weapons next to me on the bed where i normally have them, my pocket knife, my household insectisides spray, which i had been promising myself to replace it with a spray gun and never really gotten to....... eventually a sense of confort sinks in, the more you get familiar with the neighbours, the neighbourhood and streets, the less measures of security you take, it started with my insectiside spray when i thought it would accidentally get into my eyes, then i put it on the headboard lamp side, the knife in the drawer, only had my phone ready for a speed dial for emergency numbers, under my pillow. healing takes a great while. personal and self strength and faith is enough for us to start on the highway to our own self again......

rutheless heart

the mind of a ruthless heart what they feel is not what should be what they feel is unkind to human the heart of a ruthless man what they do is not what should be this is the heart of an unfeeling man these people have no life they are bitter in their own cycle they are angry in their hearts they admire the lives of innocent souls they wish and dream to destroy it but they will never take away what we have because what we have they do not have. there is no man sane who does that to another how do they find peace in themselves how do they find peace amongst themselves. because they have no mercy they have no life. people like that do not belong in the society does God let them live? does God save them?

this heart

i look up in the sky for a refreshing sensation no longer feel around me amongst tribesmen and tribeswomen

they make some big mistakes on looking back painting brighter hopes upon living to make a wonderful life ahead because we started out as hopeful as young

this heart has seen some action nonetheless

i had a moral fiber to believe in love but in my foolishness my bravery taught me what i had to learn to hold it in my palms as fresh as waters of my happiness this heart has felt some action nonetheless

Its amazing how free I feel Then its wonderful how sweet it feel together Its not a problem anymore To show someone how much you love them But to prove how much you need them Is it easy? Its great the love I feel you feel Special and exclusive exceptional and familiar have u felt that? It never felt strange or dangerous and risky It felt right and just perfectly easy Did u feel that? For a moment I stand to think of it and there is no bit of scare and panic While at the same time I know its sin, in the eyes of the Lord Do u feel that? Now It feels like you are gone on duty It feels like you are gone out to smoke It feels like you are gone to sleep, right next to me It feels like you are gone to class Like you are coming back in a short while Like I feel, I see I love you. Do u feel that?

Lord, today it feels as though all my strength has gone. Like Job, I have no idea what to do about my situation. Thank you that I can still trust in you and know that you will grant me the power to keep going. i know that my suffering is also a door of hope for me please help me recognise your plan for me, my life in my disappointments. as you provide strength and mercy. at this moment, i feel like am sinking into deep waters please take my hand and provide me with strength and mercy. teach me the purpose and meaning of this difficult road that i am walking. i thank you for the heaven awaiting me help me to persevere in this hope.

A woman is like a flower She blossoms into a spectacular image Tell her you love her, she will glisten with gold Do mean what u say to her, she will walk tall Water the pink rose pluck out the old dry leaves Cut out the dead stems and roots It will flourish for long Cut one for the one you love, it will perfume your world Your world her world, in that circle is a glowing ball Crystal ball you both hold in your hands The precious stone that you both protect It will fall and rupture right before your eyes That is letting your flower wither That is letting your rose dry up and shrink That is like letting your dove out of its cage to fly away…..

As we sit in the snow white sand,And the waves crash upon the shore,I stare to the sky trying to understand,Why the stars seem brighter then ever before.Is it because the sky is so clear,That the stars are shining bright?Or could it be that love is near,On this perfect summer night?

We laugh, we kiss, we talk,Draw pictures in the sand.Along the ocean we walk,Just him and I, Hand in Hand.Our night is almost finished,As the moon is fading fast,Another day will be diminished,Put with the others in the past.Everything seems to melt away,Faster then the drop of a dime,As night dissolves to day,We lose more precious time.Surely soon the sun will rise,As this is Gods command,I know he can see the twinkle in my eyes,As we walk Hand in Hand.

the dream

I do know know that one word frees us of all the weight and pain of life...we love because it's the only true adventure.To love is to suffer.To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving.Therefore to love is to suffer,not to love is to suffer.To suffer is to suffer.To be happy is to love.To be happy then is to suffer.But suffering makes one unhappy.Therefore,to be unhappy one must love,or love to suffer,or suffer from too much happiness.I hope you're getting this down..lol !"For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it....the most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." And I feel whenever I have knocked,a door has opened.Wherever I have wandered,a path has appeared.I have been helped,supported,encouraged and nurtured by people of all races,creeds,colors and dreams."That dream is YOU amongst them!!

feeling afloat.

seeing patches of clouds down below and up ahead of me

hiting them right head on. seeing the clear blue sky the dark clouds underneath me.

it feels like a touch away, a blink away.

the feel of it all is awesome. but take off, touch down isnt a nice one.

you will see the world and experience how floating is.

20 jan.09

a billion people witnessed, million and millions watched and thousands and thousands listened to his rousing speech. as the world turned a new page making another history of change,building another new world, i was also born. the rest of the world now stands on his shoulder, and many people, the rest of them know about his dream his vision, and they will see it ripe, as i matured too. and the journey contines, a mountain to climb kind. the road, the long winding and twising kind to complete. a new legacy is built as change has come.

My crescent coat that you wear Till death that you had swear Thickness that is not easily tear Caution and always prepared Promises we have declared Feelings that we had shared Extreme extend, to be a pair Secret bonds, publicly unaware The world has been unfair Judging with cold stares A true love that is rare Leaving only a messy affair Bloodshed placed everywhere Leaving me hopeless and despair Nightmare couldn't even compare Crimson dust fills the air Wearing my star coat with six pockets I still hold on your heirloom locket Would you cover me up with a jacket? And take me away to another planet?

My night nurse.... How dim the sun compared to you

Pale the flowers they lose their hue

Minutes are hours when you're away

Gray the sky on a sunny day

Pale the flowers they lose their hue

Colors fade pallid shades of blue

Pounding heart lungs gasping for air

Living without you brings despair..

I've decided to come out in the open and say!

Minutes are hours when you're away

Turn to leave I would beg you to stay

Crystal tears from my sad blue eyes

Feelings I still don't recognize

Gray the sky on a sunny day

Yet when I see,

you walk my way.

Heart shaped clover blankets the ground

Choirs of angel's sweet songs surround Mwaaaaaaaaa..2009